April is stress awareness month.
I don’t think there’s been a period in time when we’ve been more aware of the stress of day-to-day life, as we have during this pandemic. I had a conversation with a client last week who told me she’d been in free-fall about Covid-19 and the uncertainty around it. She’d been lying awake at night obsessing over the vaccine and its efficacy. When would she get it? Would it be effective? Would it make her ill? Would she catch Covid-19 in the meantime?
At Rising Vibe, we talk about the importance of having the conversations that matter. But what conversations are we having with ourselves? Getting into cycles of unhelpful thinking can really compound stress in any given situation.
We spend too much time focusing on things we can’t control.
We can take precautions around minimising risk — wearing a mask, social distancing and washing hands, but ultimately, we have no control over this pandemic and its outcome. Uncertainty is scary. But when I explained to my client that nothing has changed, we have never had certainty, this helped her to feel better. The pandemic had made her focus on the uncertainty, when it’s been there all along.
All we can control, is how we think and feel about something.
With regard to the vaccine, instead of focusing on the uncertainty around it, we can focus on the fact that we are well ahead of the game in terms of numbers. Everything is in hand and it’s going as well as it possibly can at the time of writing. Instead of watching a constant stream of bad news and getting into unhelpful thinking, we can step away from social media that’s feeding it.
Neurologically, we’re hard wired to search for danger, so we immediately go to worst case scenario.
I had an email the other day from a client telling me that he needed to pick up a call, as he had some feedback he wanted to share regarding a recent group coaching session. What did I do? I immediately searched my memory for something I’d done wrong. Had I upset the client? Made a mistake? Had a negative impact on a delegate…and on and on. What I was telling myself in that moment caused me a great deal of stress and I was worried about picking up the call. But the feedback was nothing more than a team member wanting a deeper dive on an issue that had come up for them in the session. It wasn’t anything to do with my performance.
Most of us dread getting feedback. We immediately conjure up a myriad of unhelpful thoughts around what it could possibly be. We fear judgement. But wouldn’t you rather know? Isn’t it better to receive the feedback even if it’s uncomfortable to hear, so that we can address it, move forwards and grow? I know I would. It’s crucial we have the conversations that matter, as it’s the only way we can improve. Furthermore, when we don’t know, we fill in the gaps with something unhelpful and negative, which stresses us out completely.
We can drive ourselves crazy with ‘what if’s.’ Instead, we should be looking for the evidence.
When you notice that you’re stressed out and getting into a pattern of unhelpful thinking, ask yourself what it is that you believe to be ‘true’ in that moment. What do you think might happen? Then ask yourself, what evidence you have — evidence that if called for in a court of law, you could state unequivocally — that this is actually the case (spoiler — you won’t find any). Without the evidence you can change your perspective. What else could it be? Could there be another, less stressful and more helpful outcome?
Another option (hang on to your hat!) is to go deeper into that worst case scenario. Bring it clearly into focus and explore it. What is it? How does it feel? Of course it isn’t favourable and you won’t like it. But if it were to happen, could you handle it? It’s more than likely, you could.
Personally, when something feels uncomfortable, difficult and scary and I can’t change it, I ask myself, what can I learn here?
No matter how bad things get, there’s always some valuable learning. Using a ‘negative’ situation for personal development could help you tremendously in the future.
If you find yourself getting into unhelpful thinking, follow these steps to feeling better:
- Notice how you feel — you can use the Rising Vibrational Scale for this.
- Notice what you’re telling yourself in that moment.
- Ask yourself what evidence you have that this is the case.
- Shift the perspective — What else could it be? Something more helpful? Explore the potential of a best case scenario.
- In a worst case scenario, explore how you would and could handle it.
- Find the learning.
If you’d like to know more about how Rising Vibe can support your workforce through stress, the pandemic and beyond, then get in touch, today.
Original source How our unhelpful thinking causes us stress. — Rising Vibe! (rising-vibe.com)
